MEGA FASHION WEEK BLOG.

okay so here's a heads up - the next few blogs are going to be MAJOR FASHION BLOGS.
Last week was New York fashion week, so let's start there.

http://www.ralphlauren.com/shop/index.jsp?categoryId=3802715&cp=2184048

WATCH the video, and tell me the Spring 2011 collection isn't GORGEOUS. It's feminine but classy, stunningly detailed..and I have to point out, although not a massive fan of pink, the pink dress is just beautiful.

Anna Sui's collection, yet again, did not fail to disappoint.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9IUNch4yCQ&feature=fvst

The bohemian-chick style along with her trademark unconventionally individual approach to designing makes this collection absolutely beautiful. Of course.

At this point, I'd like to point out just how long the catwalk is:

http://isaacmizrahiny.com/watch_isaac/spring_2011

I've always LOVED Isaac, and this collection is sophisticated and yet really quite casual in some places. And doing fashionable casual is hard. The floral/abstract print completes the whole spring look.

Derek Lam:

`I want to create clothes that are both luxurious and wearable, with a feminine but unfussy beauty about them.`

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9IQV7pyQrM

Beautifully cut, flattering shapes and a general dreamy feel to it all. Mission accomplished.

To watch the rest of NYFW, go here::

http://www.youtube.com/user/kaiserfashion#g/u

I also have a confession to make.

No matter how superficial you think this makes me, I don't care. I want to work in fashion. Or at the very least, this industry. Always have, and always will.

x

I know where I'm going and I know the truth, and I don't have to be what you want me to be. I'm free to be what I want.
-Muhammad Ali.

Haven't you thought

About what I want for a change? Instead of making decisions for me? You know, because it's my god damn life!?

No?

Thought not.

It's been 5 days since someone left for NY. I knew he would go, I just hoped he wouldn't. And I'm not doing well without him. I always busy myself with schoolwork (even though I don't even have that much right now being back a week.) and I do anything and everything to occupy my mind. That, and I can't seem to do much about everything right now. He always knew the right thing to say and just how to help me, sometimes without even saying or doing anything much at all. Just giving me a hug or calling me at 3am to remind me to go to sleep otherwise I'll get bags under my eyes and I'm too young for that.

I know you'll never read this. So I'll say this. I find it hard to admit love. But even though I never said it, I do. I love you.

Come back. Please.

x

Don't.

Don't try to fix your past through me.

Don't try to gain opportunities you never had through me.

Don't fight your wars with him through me.

I want to do what makes me happy. And here's the thing::

I don't give a damn if you think it's academic or not, or if I'll ever be rich or not, or if marrying for love and love alone is foolishness. The decisions I make are mine. If they're wrong, let them be. I'll learn from them, because people make mistakes. Yes, opportunities may only come once - but my life only comes once too.

SO.

I will do whatever makes me happy. Go where I want to go. See what I want to see. Love whomever I choose. And if you don't like that, that's your problem because you're not doing or going or seeing or loving what where or who I am. So you deal with that.

The least you could do is pretend to be supportive.

If you can't even do that, then just fucking keep your mouth shut and don't bullshit about you not trying to make decisions for me.

You hear but you don't listen.

To whom it may concern,

I need you to listen to me.

Everything I say to you is just drowned out in your head by what you think and what you believe.

Stop trying to make me into a mini you. I'm nothing like you. I watch crime drama and romantic movies. I believe in forgiveness, understanding and compassion. I believe in soulmates. I listen to what people have to say. I'm altruistic because it makes me feel good and warms my heart to know I've made someone else happy, not for the benefit of myself. I don't twist things. I accept that not everything goes my way. I compromise. I believe in making mistakes. I take nature walks, pick flowers and strawberries. I go rock climbing. I sit in a tree and read a book. I paint. I'm not perfect, and I don't pretend to be. I acknowledge my mistakes - I don't just claim to. I say sorry. I believe in love, and how it conquers all.

I don't invest my happiness in a handbag, but in the hearts of other people. In his eyes. In my best friends hug.

You don't understand who are what I am because you don't fucking listen to me.

I want nothing more than to move away from you and all your superficiality. To buy a house with a huge studio where I can sit and I can paint. That's what I love, what I want to do. I want to sit and I want to draw, sculpt things with my bare hands. I like my charcoal covered overalls. I want to eat organic food, salads and a fruit smoothie because I care about my health. I want to go to the gym because I don't want heart disease. And I want to work in a lab. I want to recover evidence from crimes scenes and analyze it, or be an astrophysicist searching for a unified theory. I don't want to stand in front of a camera all day. I want to get married with an outdoor marquee by a river, not in a massive church with wedding bells. I want an old fashioned car, not 700 sports cars. I want to fall in love with someone who loves me for me, who makes me laugh, who I can cry to, not someone who is merely "financially stable." These are my choices and if some of them don't turn out right, let that be my mistake to make. Because it's my life and therefore I want to do things my way. I want to be free.

I wish you'd listen.

Because everything you are is everything I never want to be.

PLANS :D!

Okay so I kinda need to write this down just as a self memoir.
On top of all the things I stated in my previous post that I need to do para mi on a more psychological level, I also need to do the following::

1. Sort out sleeping patterns
2. Kick the nasty coffee habit
3. Go to the gym at least three times a week, starting tomorrow
4. Restart dance again, starting 9th September
5. Get back into school mode.
   
6. Write those essays
7. Draw up an EPQ plan
8. Eat more healthily
9. Pierce my.. ;) Haha jk my cartilage
   
10. GO BACK TO TOKYO.

The last one is of particular importance, particularly after today.
I had the best driving lesson with all the bendy roads and whatnot as like my test routes, and basically we went to this freeway place and I hit 60mph (and nearly gave my instructor a heart attack) and actually properly drifted round the bend because I couldn't be bothered to slow down.. and it was the best thing I've ever done in my life. I was actually like DUDE I WANNA DO THAT AGAIN. (He told me never to do it again..)
And basically here's the deal.
My mum has an FTO, and she's always been one of these women who LOVES cars. Yes women can like cars too ya know. And that was the first car I've driven and it was like WOAH.
SO
Going back to my list, I wanna go back to Tokyo (where I was born, for those who didn't know).. to learn about street racing.
And go to the Disney store.
But more importantly, DRIVE.

Tomorrow I'm going to this car show con mi mama, and I'm SOSOSOSOSOOO EXCITED.

On a less OMG level, Tuesday, 9pm, Channel 5 = CSI TRILOGY. They all work together to solve this major case. And what does that mean? That means, Greg, Danny AND hot Miami guy whose name I don't know who has pointless lines like "this was a.. murder" and is probably just there to look hot will all be in one place at once. MMHM. ;)

Have faith.

So it's 6:53 am on Saturday and I cannot sleep.

Lying in bed I had a hundred million thoughts going through my head, as per usual. And I was contemplating and looking at my life and how it stands at present. Then it hit me.

Everything that's in my life, the fact it is the way it is is because of me.
This may sounds like an obvious concept, but think about it on a deeper level:: granted my childhood may have been beyond my control, but now I have no excuse. The good, the bad, everything, is down to me.

This whole thing came about from something I read earlier:

"if you see it in your mind, you're going to hold it in your hand."

It didn't mean much to me at the time, but lying in bed for hours you can't help but think things over.

Every thought I have, every word of negation I speak, every emotion I feel creates the circumstances that build up into life. Say, I keep worrying about getting the flu this weekend because my mum's got it. That's the only thing I'm focusing on, and I'll be damned if I don't get it. Whether you believe it or not, everything you think or feel or whatever is attracting whatever it is you think about to you.

I've built up thoughts of negation both towards myself and my circumstances. I find it hard believe in myself, I live in fear of most things and wonder if "it'll work out one day." No wonder nothing does work out.

Or has yet.

It's important to feel good, to feel good about you. To have faith. Like a line of dominos - you knock one down and they all fall down. You doubt, and your mind goes onwards and down into a spiral of, well, shit. And that sucks. Noone wants to be in a pile of shit.

I worry about everything I don't have, everything I think I can't do. But who's to say that I can't have what I want, I can't do what I want, be what I want, see what I want to see and go where I want to go? Noone. Noone but me.

I'm not religious - with no disrespect I've been angry at the supposed "God" since I was a kid. And I've had many reasons, to which I ask one question (Why), and no answer (Of course). So I stopped praying and I stopped believing and just constantly took the shit that came my way and the whole time that was all I was thinking about. And funny how it came to me, just like I expected.

I need to get out of this funk. The only way I can isn't by wishing upon stars and praying. I need to believe in myself and what I deserve. Because we're all born the same and we all deserve the life we want however big or small. Do anything and be anything we want

And that's what I need.

Faith.