MEGA FASHION WEEK BLOG.

okay so here's a heads up - the next few blogs are going to be MAJOR FASHION BLOGS.
Last week was New York fashion week, so let's start there.

http://www.ralphlauren.com/shop/index.jsp?categoryId=3802715&cp=2184048

WATCH the video, and tell me the Spring 2011 collection isn't GORGEOUS. It's feminine but classy, stunningly detailed..and I have to point out, although not a massive fan of pink, the pink dress is just beautiful.

Anna Sui's collection, yet again, did not fail to disappoint.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9IUNch4yCQ&feature=fvst

The bohemian-chick style along with her trademark unconventionally individual approach to designing makes this collection absolutely beautiful. Of course.

At this point, I'd like to point out just how long the catwalk is:

http://isaacmizrahiny.com/watch_isaac/spring_2011

I've always LOVED Isaac, and this collection is sophisticated and yet really quite casual in some places. And doing fashionable casual is hard. The floral/abstract print completes the whole spring look.

Derek Lam:

`I want to create clothes that are both luxurious and wearable, with a feminine but unfussy beauty about them.`

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9IQV7pyQrM

Beautifully cut, flattering shapes and a general dreamy feel to it all. Mission accomplished.

To watch the rest of NYFW, go here::

http://www.youtube.com/user/kaiserfashion#g/u

I also have a confession to make.

No matter how superficial you think this makes me, I don't care. I want to work in fashion. Or at the very least, this industry. Always have, and always will.

x

I know where I'm going and I know the truth, and I don't have to be what you want me to be. I'm free to be what I want.
-Muhammad Ali.

Haven't you thought

About what I want for a change? Instead of making decisions for me? You know, because it's my god damn life!?

No?

Thought not.

It's been 5 days since someone left for NY. I knew he would go, I just hoped he wouldn't. And I'm not doing well without him. I always busy myself with schoolwork (even though I don't even have that much right now being back a week.) and I do anything and everything to occupy my mind. That, and I can't seem to do much about everything right now. He always knew the right thing to say and just how to help me, sometimes without even saying or doing anything much at all. Just giving me a hug or calling me at 3am to remind me to go to sleep otherwise I'll get bags under my eyes and I'm too young for that.

I know you'll never read this. So I'll say this. I find it hard to admit love. But even though I never said it, I do. I love you.

Come back. Please.

x

Don't.

Don't try to fix your past through me.

Don't try to gain opportunities you never had through me.

Don't fight your wars with him through me.

I want to do what makes me happy. And here's the thing::

I don't give a damn if you think it's academic or not, or if I'll ever be rich or not, or if marrying for love and love alone is foolishness. The decisions I make are mine. If they're wrong, let them be. I'll learn from them, because people make mistakes. Yes, opportunities may only come once - but my life only comes once too.

SO.

I will do whatever makes me happy. Go where I want to go. See what I want to see. Love whomever I choose. And if you don't like that, that's your problem because you're not doing or going or seeing or loving what where or who I am. So you deal with that.

The least you could do is pretend to be supportive.

If you can't even do that, then just fucking keep your mouth shut and don't bullshit about you not trying to make decisions for me.

You hear but you don't listen.

To whom it may concern,

I need you to listen to me.

Everything I say to you is just drowned out in your head by what you think and what you believe.

Stop trying to make me into a mini you. I'm nothing like you. I watch crime drama and romantic movies. I believe in forgiveness, understanding and compassion. I believe in soulmates. I listen to what people have to say. I'm altruistic because it makes me feel good and warms my heart to know I've made someone else happy, not for the benefit of myself. I don't twist things. I accept that not everything goes my way. I compromise. I believe in making mistakes. I take nature walks, pick flowers and strawberries. I go rock climbing. I sit in a tree and read a book. I paint. I'm not perfect, and I don't pretend to be. I acknowledge my mistakes - I don't just claim to. I say sorry. I believe in love, and how it conquers all.

I don't invest my happiness in a handbag, but in the hearts of other people. In his eyes. In my best friends hug.

You don't understand who are what I am because you don't fucking listen to me.

I want nothing more than to move away from you and all your superficiality. To buy a house with a huge studio where I can sit and I can paint. That's what I love, what I want to do. I want to sit and I want to draw, sculpt things with my bare hands. I like my charcoal covered overalls. I want to eat organic food, salads and a fruit smoothie because I care about my health. I want to go to the gym because I don't want heart disease. And I want to work in a lab. I want to recover evidence from crimes scenes and analyze it, or be an astrophysicist searching for a unified theory. I don't want to stand in front of a camera all day. I want to get married with an outdoor marquee by a river, not in a massive church with wedding bells. I want an old fashioned car, not 700 sports cars. I want to fall in love with someone who loves me for me, who makes me laugh, who I can cry to, not someone who is merely "financially stable." These are my choices and if some of them don't turn out right, let that be my mistake to make. Because it's my life and therefore I want to do things my way. I want to be free.

I wish you'd listen.

Because everything you are is everything I never want to be.

PLANS :D!

Okay so I kinda need to write this down just as a self memoir.
On top of all the things I stated in my previous post that I need to do para mi on a more psychological level, I also need to do the following::

1. Sort out sleeping patterns
2. Kick the nasty coffee habit
3. Go to the gym at least three times a week, starting tomorrow
4. Restart dance again, starting 9th September
5. Get back into school mode.
   
6. Write those essays
7. Draw up an EPQ plan
8. Eat more healthily
9. Pierce my.. ;) Haha jk my cartilage
   
10. GO BACK TO TOKYO.

The last one is of particular importance, particularly after today.
I had the best driving lesson with all the bendy roads and whatnot as like my test routes, and basically we went to this freeway place and I hit 60mph (and nearly gave my instructor a heart attack) and actually properly drifted round the bend because I couldn't be bothered to slow down.. and it was the best thing I've ever done in my life. I was actually like DUDE I WANNA DO THAT AGAIN. (He told me never to do it again..)
And basically here's the deal.
My mum has an FTO, and she's always been one of these women who LOVES cars. Yes women can like cars too ya know. And that was the first car I've driven and it was like WOAH.
SO
Going back to my list, I wanna go back to Tokyo (where I was born, for those who didn't know).. to learn about street racing.
And go to the Disney store.
But more importantly, DRIVE.

Tomorrow I'm going to this car show con mi mama, and I'm SOSOSOSOSOOO EXCITED.

On a less OMG level, Tuesday, 9pm, Channel 5 = CSI TRILOGY. They all work together to solve this major case. And what does that mean? That means, Greg, Danny AND hot Miami guy whose name I don't know who has pointless lines like "this was a.. murder" and is probably just there to look hot will all be in one place at once. MMHM. ;)

Have faith.

So it's 6:53 am on Saturday and I cannot sleep.

Lying in bed I had a hundred million thoughts going through my head, as per usual. And I was contemplating and looking at my life and how it stands at present. Then it hit me.

Everything that's in my life, the fact it is the way it is is because of me.
This may sounds like an obvious concept, but think about it on a deeper level:: granted my childhood may have been beyond my control, but now I have no excuse. The good, the bad, everything, is down to me.

This whole thing came about from something I read earlier:

"if you see it in your mind, you're going to hold it in your hand."

It didn't mean much to me at the time, but lying in bed for hours you can't help but think things over.

Every thought I have, every word of negation I speak, every emotion I feel creates the circumstances that build up into life. Say, I keep worrying about getting the flu this weekend because my mum's got it. That's the only thing I'm focusing on, and I'll be damned if I don't get it. Whether you believe it or not, everything you think or feel or whatever is attracting whatever it is you think about to you.

I've built up thoughts of negation both towards myself and my circumstances. I find it hard believe in myself, I live in fear of most things and wonder if "it'll work out one day." No wonder nothing does work out.

Or has yet.

It's important to feel good, to feel good about you. To have faith. Like a line of dominos - you knock one down and they all fall down. You doubt, and your mind goes onwards and down into a spiral of, well, shit. And that sucks. Noone wants to be in a pile of shit.

I worry about everything I don't have, everything I think I can't do. But who's to say that I can't have what I want, I can't do what I want, be what I want, see what I want to see and go where I want to go? Noone. Noone but me.

I'm not religious - with no disrespect I've been angry at the supposed "God" since I was a kid. And I've had many reasons, to which I ask one question (Why), and no answer (Of course). So I stopped praying and I stopped believing and just constantly took the shit that came my way and the whole time that was all I was thinking about. And funny how it came to me, just like I expected.

I need to get out of this funk. The only way I can isn't by wishing upon stars and praying. I need to believe in myself and what I deserve. Because we're all born the same and we all deserve the life we want however big or small. Do anything and be anything we want

And that's what I need.

Faith.

Friday the 13th muahaha..and a thank you :)

SO I just quickly checked my facebook and I got a really, REALLY lovely message in my inbox that made me smile and really warmed my heart :)

There are a lot of horrible people in the world, but every once in a while, there's someone who, no matter where they are in the world, whether they know you well or not, or if they just pass you on the street, they'll surprise you. Either in something they say, or do, or whatever. And they could be totally unaware that they've had such a profound effect on you.

But to those people, I thank you.

I'm off to spend the rest of the day watching Disney movies and finishing my book.

Friday the 13th's also on later..although I won't lie I'm a bit too scared to watch it.

Until later friends, xoxo.

Confessions

I got these off a Tumblr website. None of them are mine, I just think they're awfully relevant nowadays.

9952.) I can’t believe the way people change, and forget you. How they have to try to be like other people and act like you’re not good enough anymore. They’re too cool for you now. Why do you have to be that way? Everyone should have room in their life to keep old and new friends; no one is superior to anybody else.

9907.) I wish you knew me. You’re the boy I’m looking for, like… you’re perfect to me. I wish you felt the same way about me. Be mine. (I absolutely don’t know who you are.)

9888.) The only happiness life brings me is when I see his name across my phone’s screen.

9887.) I’m bored of being alone

9884.) i fear intimacy.

9879.) When I grow up, I want my own car and my own apartment. I’ll use my car to run away from everything, and when there’s no place else to run, I’ll come back and hide in my apartment.

9859.) I just feel so incredibly alone. I really don’t know what to do.

9842.) I just want a friend that I don’t know. Someone who I ever met, someone who never heard of me. So they’ll get to know the real me. They won’t have an impression of what I am. I’ll show them what I am

9813.) i pretend to be arrogant and to think i’m better than everyone else when really i feel worthless in comparison. it’s my last hope

"71.) I hate it when my friend gets everything she wants even though she doesnt even work hard for it, and me? i work so effing hard for the things i want, and guess what? in the end i dont get them. eff."

"60.) Someday’s I just want to brutually beat the shit out of everyone in my way."

"76.) The only thing that really gets in the way of my happiness are my insecurities."

"93.) I don’t ever want to stop thinking that my prince charming is coming. But there are days when I feel like “THIS MIGHT BE HIM,” happy as I can be. And then there are those when I just look at the mirror and try to find out what’s wrong with me.."

"128.) The only that’s keeping me sane is the fact that I’m leaving in about two years. If I had to stay here any longer I’d probably kill myself."

174.) To all the people out there who are insecure, or scared they will never find their true love: keep believing. Keep hanging on. You are a wonderful person. Beautiful. Someday, any day, somebody out there will meet you and realize they have found their happiness. Don’t give up. You’re a treasure.

261.) I’m so afraid to put down the walls I have up that stop me from falling for someone.

293.) I get so involved in organizations for one reason, it keeps me so busy that I cannot think about my shortcomings when it comes to my love life. If I don’t have to be alone, I don’t have to think about what’s actually making me sad. Well, except for when I got to my room to sleep… falling asleep is a real bitch.

Love is key.

I'm gonna keep this short sweethearts: it's 3:34am to be precise and I've just got time for a quick blog whilst I'm finishing up my tea :)

So tonight, or at least last night, Thursday August 12th, was a BEAUTIFUL night.

http://science.nasa.gov/science-news/science-at-nasa/2010/05aug_perseids/

It was the Perseid Meteor Shower, which happens every 133 years :D
I was (obviously) totally psyched and had my telescope out and everything.

And as I lay out in the grass, patiently waiting for these comets, I looked up into the clear night sky and there was a cool breeze gently blowing and all around everything was calm. Peaceful. Beautiful.

I just finished my meteor watching now, and mulling over some green tea, I've realised something.

This world is a beautiful place, and the most important thing is to never, ever stop seeing that. People populate this planet and hurt you, make you cry, say spiteful things and let you down. But it's the people that are ugly, not the world.

I have to admit I've had a very negative outlook on the world lately, but it is important to not let the world make you hard. You must be soft and always have love in your heart. You musn't let pain make you hate. You must never let the bitterness of others steal your sweetness. Because this world is a beautiful place, and in it there are some people who really will say the littlest things, and are trustworthy, honest and true. They're just a little hard to come by. But that doesn't matter, so long as you remain that way.

It's important to always believe in yourself, because noone else will. And yes this world can be so ugly at times, but it's important you open your eyes and see what's out there. Everything is within your reach and you can have and be everything you want to be.

So just hold on, just that little bit longer. Keep love alive, belief in your heart and that fire in your soul and I swear, someday we'll make it.

MOVIE NIGHT.

Hey folks :)

So I spent this evening watching all the Fast and Furious films. And by all, I mean I have the DVD box set and sat down with ice cream and watched every single one.

WOW:

http://uk.askmen.com/top_10/cars/top-10-ifast-furiousi-cars_10.html

I woulda said the Ford Mustang was better than 10th, but hey. And yes, I do have a fetish for a Skyline.

I want to be able to drive like that. SHET.

Like, seriously wanna be one of those street racers.

In one of these.

DOUBLE SHET.

and also:

I forgot a) how awesome these films are and b) how HOT they are.

WAWAWAAA.

Anyway, it's 3:40am and I have no idea what I'm doing blogging about at this hour.

Tata for now,

Charles.

xoxo

The Importance of a Father Daughter Relationship.

Okay so I know I haven't done a blog in a while but this is definitely something I need to write about.

As I was casually munching on my breakfast and green tea, I read an article on msn news claiming that the relationship a girl has with her father defines her future relationships with men.

And I thought how foolish.

But being open-minded I decided to give it a read, and I was without a doubt, shocked with what I found. Here are some snippets;

Father's often discount the importance of their relationships with their daughters. It is common for father's to believe that the mother is the most influential role, when really, father's have an equally important role in their daughters lives. Mothers are important, but father's offer specific things to their young daughters that mothers cannot provide.

Well this is fair enough but me and my mum seem to cope fine.

Then I read on:

Girls with a father figure have higher self-esteem, and are more likely to get along with people and attend higher education.

Well I'm not confident..

Father's are very important role models for their daughters, especially in the puberty and teen years. A father is the first male that a girl comes to intimately know, and he can set the stage for how his daughter interacts in future relationships, especially with men.

Possibly..

Runied Father Rescuing Daughter- A previously distant father turns to his daughter in trouble, expecting her to take care of him. The daughter sacrifices her own well being in order to win her father's approval.

Sounds fair enough.

Girls base their male romantic ideal on their relationship with their father.

Or Disney movies, but I'll let that one slide.

If a woman does not have a loving dependable father, due to his own arrested development or a divorce, she may seek men who reject or deny her needs. She may recoil from love altogether. Always she is haunted by the thought that she is essentially unlovable

At this point I sat upright.

They may fear intimacy. The common theme is "an inability to trust, to believe that a man won't go away."

..

Women with absent fathers feel rootless and aren't sure they belong anywhere. They close up emotionally and tend to have rocky relationships.

It seems that the less masculine attention they got in childhood, the more they seem to identify with and imitate men, keeping their feelings hidden, preferring casual teasing and unemotional banter to the intimacies of feminine soul bearing.

Conclusion?
I'm screwed.

I wish I didn't read that article this morning. But I suppose it gave me something to think about.

it's funny how.

It's funny how life works in circles sometimes.

For the first time in such a long long time, I know I'm gonna be okay :) And it's such a blissful feeling. :)

that loss hurt.

well.. whatta game.
USA drew 1-1 with ghana, and it went into extra time.
Ghana came back with a goal.
USA didn't.
Ghana cheated.
USA didn't. So now..
USA is knocked out and cried at the end of the match, and, not gonna lie, so did I.

I no longer care for the world cup.
They deserved to win and go all the way through.
Truly fantastic players.

TEAM USA!

So it's half time in the USA v Ghana football match.

and I AM GOING TO HIT SOMEONE.

Now, I commend Ghana for their impressive footwork, but tripping over Donovan on a regular basis, falling over and rolling around on the grass blaming an American player and getting them a yellow card and just generally playing aggressively

IS
NOT
HOW
YOU
PLAY
THE
GAME.

1-0 to Ghana.
I don't think I can watch the rest of the match.

I could really use a wish right now.

OMGAAAAD HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE MY LAST POST! THAT'S UNREAL.

okay so basically, I've had absolutely NO TIME WHATSOEVER to post a bloggityblog :\ I'm awfully sorry.

But here's the lowdowwwwwn for yaaall

I've got twitter (twitter.com/charlieekate) and I tweet WAAAAAAAY too much, so be warned. But follow people :D!

I bought myself an iPhone and a new laptop :) saving really is worth it :)

I've started driving lessons and, if I do say so myself, I am AMAZING. so watch out ;)

I'm also getting on top of my life, and for the first time in a long time, if not ever, I feel totally in control. I mean it's got to the point where everything I do each day, every decision I make, where I go and the paths I decide to take and the efforts I make or don't make matter. And that's kinda scary. But tbh it's become clearer each day that you are the only person in control of your life and you decide which life it is you lead - if you want to succeed you have to make the right choices and work hard and fight for everything you want with all your heart and soul because nobody is going to give it to you.

Most importantly, I've gained a completely new perspective.
Recently I've lost some people very dear to me, and it's a shame because they were the people I thought would always be there. But times change, and I've moved away from all that and I've realised that big things are coming. I've met new people, I'm doing new things, and I feel really liberated, like my life's only just beginning. And it is. I have one more year left of high school and then I'm off to uni. And I cannot wait.

Finally,

I'm in love with Travis Garland. And if you don't know who he is, shame be on you and let me educate you.
This is an amazing song. Really inspirational. I've had it on repeat on my iPod for at least 3 weeks straight. A lotta loveee for this.



And a lotta love for yaaa'll :)
(L)

there are some thing in life you cannot fix.

Time is a continuum you can't stop, can't turn back, can't control.

Everything we do within time defines who we are. And the only thing we can change is the person we've become.

Everything is like a cycle. Every minute goes into every hour which goes into every day, every week, month, and finally, every year. Within that year you try to do something different, not make the same mistakes but really it's just the same, with you ending the year looking back thinking I wish I'd done this or done that. But even a cycle has an end; nothing goes on forever.

I'm the type of person to hold onto everything so tight that I don't feel it break in my hands and slip through my fingers. Then I try to fix it.

But here's how I see it:

Leaves grow, flowers bloom. They blossom throughout summer, a short three month span in the 12 month year. Then they die, they fall, and the trees and ground remain bare for the winter, all to start all over again. But it's never the same as the year before.

You can't make things the same; no two things in life ever can be.

So be in this world for yourself because you are the only thing you will always have, can always trust, can always depend on. You will never leave yourself: you're born together, and you die together. Don't ever lose sight of who you are and what you want in life. One day, it will be all you have.

On a lighter note:

I bought some new books off Amazon:

and I can't wait for them to arrive :)

I've also kitted myself out for summer with some noice new sandaaals and dresses from River Island :D

I can't wait for summer and I can just let everything goooo.

Anyway, I bought some lovelyyyy organic nighttime sleep aiding teaa :) so I'm off to make some and potter off to bed :)

nanaaaight xo.

Start of the summer term.

So easter's over..

and it basically consisted of revision/avoiding revision/trying to concentrate on revision/ignoring the revision.
BUT
The sun came outttt at last (which was a further distraction from the revision) and you can begin to smell fresh grasss and you need one less layer and can stop wearing Uggs and you start to shape up for summer because..
SPRING is here :)
okay, sure Croydon doesn't look as serene and beautiful as this but it's still wonderful nonetheless :)
It's nice to wake up in the morning to some sunshine as a pose to the dreary winter clouds and it's such inspirational weather for me to paint :) It was so wonderful last weekend that instead of doing revision I got started on this painting of the gardens down at my dad's old place (I still go there to relax because they are truly beautiful).

I found this mug and I love it :)

http://www.baileydoesntbark.com/shop/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=324_359&products_id=291

Irrelevant, I am aware.

Now.
On a more serious note, I would like to dedicate this post to a truly inspirational woman who I'm sorry to say, has tragically passed away.
My spanish teacher was a wonderful, amazing person who made me love spanish from my very first lesson and got not just me, but my whole year, through the awful ordeal of GCSE's. She then got us through our immense breakdowns over Year 12. She always believed in me, even when I couldn't believe in myself. Believed in us all. She was always there to listen to me, was always a shoulder to cry on, helped me through really hard times at home and was always a smiling face when I felt I had noone else to turn to.
I have my Spanish oral next Thursday.. the real deal. I hope I make you proud.
You will forever be missed by us all.
xxx

and so it is.

Happy Easter.
:)
xxx

Oo we crash into love-filled nights

HAFACKS (L)

So i went to Hannahs houseeee last night and we had an awesome girlyyy jaaammmmm and tinggggg drank and played pool and drank and danced and drank and drank and took pictures and drank and tried to play pool and and it was fucking aweseomeeeee :)

It's currently 11am, I've been up since 10, and I've absolutely fuck all. It's fantastic, this is like the first weekend in MONTHS I've not had to get up and think, CRAMCRAMCRAM REVISEREVISEREVISE. I do, however, get my results back on Monday :\ However, I am also getting my belly pierced on Saturday :) and we break up on Fridaaaaaaay :)

aaaah dear.

So last night, as I was lying in bed a little light headed to say the least, I came to the conclusion that I'm in this situation that I'm really not comfortable with because:
a] I'm wasting my time
b] I'm doing too much
c] This idea I'm under is an illusion.
The last one, personally, is particularly important. So yesss, here I go again: CBEES :)
SO please, please stop clogging up my facebook homepageee. I dislike how often I see anything related to you on it.

I'm going out for lunchlinggs with mi padre laterrrrrrrr, so I'm gonna go have a shower inabitinabitinabit. Although, I find it really quite depressing how everytime I shampoo my hair bits of dye wash out :( I want it permanentpermanent :(

I'm in a pretty awesome mood :)
I do however, REALLYREALLYREALLY want Corrine Bailey Raes new, fantastic album (L) I actuallssss love her. But yes, I'm currently blasting out the "chillinggs" playlist on my windowsmediaplayer (via my headphones of course) which consists of a bitta James Morrison and Colbie Caillat and Jack Johnson and, ofc, the Rae.
Fantaaaaaaastic :)
And no homework.
So really, for the first time in MONTHS, I can call to day, a nice, Sunday jam. :)

I NOW HAVE FORMSPRING.
hit me up :)

I'm only human

okaaay. so a lot and not much has simultaneously occured over this week, and i'm basically going to sum it up in a few words or phrases;

1. This week = FAIL.
I just finished my S1 exam, and let's just say, despite it being probably the easiest paper out of all the maths papers, it was, without a doubt, a fail. I got to a point where I was immensely frustrated and calculated my results instead. 55%. And that was me marking myself nicely and assuming everything I had attempted was right. YAY :D

2. Sleepless;
I've had, on average, about 20 hours sleep this week. And before you think, well that's not bad, thats 20 hours.. people are supposed to get about 8/9 hours a day. how many nines go into twenty? yeah. I thought so.

3. I don't understand;
I hate how something can be absolutely fantastically perfect one minute, and then the next, without any reason or rhyme has just alkfshadioyfhshdg-ed. Grr.

4. Efforttttttt;
well all in all, if you don't make any effort then why the fuck should I? which begs the question, should I walk away from you

5. The past;
It never really leaves you, does it. It's like a shadow, always there. You just don't see it all the time.

6. BDAYBDAY!
Well yes, I am now 17, and I feel old :( I also cannot be bothered to learn how to drive, and am probably the only teenager with this in mind :) LOL

7. AS levels are starting to take over me and my life.
Well I think tbh this week has been a bit of a wake up call to say the least..

8. Cravingsssss
Why are all the things that are bad for you just so damn good

9. Piercinggg
I'm getting my belly piercedededed :)

10. Him
You do my head in cos I don't understand you but you're so perfect and I just dislike youu. I also dislike how you're so high up this list.
And this is getting awfully irritating to colour code.

11. Mohnehhssss
I got me some mohnehsss for my bdaybday which leads me on to..

..number
12. Retail therapy;
Shoes. Dresses. Topsss. Shoes. :)) hello weekend of shopping.

13. I WANTTTTTTT ....
people are never satisfied with what they have. and I'm one of those people. I'd quite like something I want, for once, rather than me getting all the things I don't want. I suppose it is my fault expecting all the bad things all the time tbh but seriously, it'ss getting jarring. I want things to work out in my favour for once.

14. Being irritated at yourself;
It's awful when you have noone to blame but yourself, or noone to share the blame with you, especially if you're subconsciously aware that the things you're doing you will regret later.

15. I want to seee the future;
and read peoples minds.

16. I love Lifehouse's new album, smoke and mirrors :)

17. I kinda wanted to end this longgg list on my age, so here's a thought.
Do you take what's right in front of you, or do you hold out and hope what you really want, you'll get?


OKAY i'm gonna stop there. I find I complain a lot on my blog but probably because I don't like complaining to people. Or at people. However you want to interpret it.

Well yes there we have it.
Anyway.
I've got me some icecream and I'm gonna go and watch the time travellers wife :') <3
adiosss
xxx

mamihlapinatapai,

mamihlapinatapai:
` a look shared by two people with each wishing the other will initiate something that both desire but which neither one wants to start. `

first things first:
the hairrrr has been dyed :)
it's now a dark cherry reddddyy mahoganyy THING. and for once i've taken quite a liking to my hair :)
second thing second:
it's sundaaay march 14th, which means its mock week come midnight :\
i haven't even opened my spanish folder
i've avoided looking at my stats
and i'm sitting here with my biology textbook open, which i have just glanced at and is actually upside down, and i'm blogging..
aaahh well only mocks ehh :) C's can be encouraging..


nevertheless, grrr.
i dislike how things in life lack explanation or reason. that's all I ask for really, just a little justification and explanation to make sense of why some things are the way they are. And I don't mean "why are we here, how did the universe begin" type answers, although they'd be quite nice too. I mean the, "what happened to us, why do things never work out" type answers. It just makes things easier to accept rather than, "it just is."
WHY.
I don't understand how something can be fine one minute and then completely pear-shaped the next. And yes I did just say pear-shaped :)
Grrr.
I'd love to read people's minds, justttt so I knew ya know. It just doesn't make sense.
I also currently think you, maybe not necessarily you who is reading this but a certain you, are absolutely fantastic and I just want to say so, so I shall write it in my blog like I'm writing it to you. You're like, everything I could ever want in a box with a ribbon on top. Funnily enough, you don't realise this, or maybe you do and you're just being a dweeb in a box with a ribbon on top instead. You say the sweetest things and make me smile. A lot. This is dangerous.
hurumph.
I dislike how I set myself up in certain situations. Whatever this mess I'm wading through right now is, is not gonna "come out in the wash" as my dad would say. Give it time, I suppose. I always follow my heart and carry on but sometimes I think my heart is a bit of a dillusional twat that sets out to get hurt.
But I still wouldn't go about life any other way.

Nevertheless, I'm going to go cram and ignore thisssss.
I just remembered, tis my bdaybday on wednesday :)
I don't want to be 17 :(

nearing the end of half term :|

HOLAAAAA (:

so I came back from Madders on Monday, and I'd like to point out that it was

THE BEST EFFING TRIP EVER.

Truly fantasticccc, totally unlike a "school trip".

^totally watched Valentines day ON valentines daaay :)

By the end of it we'd nicknamed our teachers Stubbs and Al, walked around the whole of Madrid about 5000 times, eaten about 5000 tons of paella and tapas and just had the most awesome time ever. There were a few dodgy cases of food poisoning, but that was about ittt :) Simple amazing. I also have to admit, it was rather hard not waking up next to the Patellll after being raped by her for 5 days :( ;) There was one slight problemoo, when our flight was delayeeed by 3 hours after it decided to snow on the last day in Madrid :| ahaha but yesss it was amazing we went to carnivaaals and there were frikking Botellons (immense pissups in the street) basically every night outside our hotel and the food was sexy and despite the creepy short spanish men on the trains talking to us it was IMMENSE. :)

Okay so now I'm back in England, and it's pretty much been nothing but revision, and now its 9pm on a saturday and as per usual I'm not doing anything so HELLO BLOG. Ajhadfsyfiosuyfkjdhfs I haven't missed being awaaaay, the minute I'm back it's like there's all thissss shitttt, and I mean it's not bad shit but it's frustraaating, like I was able to forget about mocks and with a capital G, Guysssssss but hello england = hellooo retardedddfeelingness that you get when you think you may have just made the most amazing cup of coffee that's absolutely perfect. Metaphorically speaking.

Nevertheless, I'm trying not to overthink these things and gonna let everything take it's own coursee for once and stop being so fucking pessimistic about everything because the more I expect bad things to happen, ironically, they do. :| I've decided this year is going to go my way. :)

Anyways I was browsing around on cardboardlove, and found some adorable things so I thought I'd post them on here.

Oh yesss and, instead of giving something up for Lent, I've decided to take something up;
so basically, I'm commiting random acts of kindness everyday for 40 days :)
Tomorrow I'm turning up at my dads new place with some paint and some plates and pizza and I'm gonna help him do up his new house :)
Aaaah sighh. Nevertheless I'm off, my life is rather uneventful right now if I do say so myself.
I want to go back to Madrid, quite frankly.
Have a song I heard in a spanish H&M. It is as weird as you think.

buenas nochees :) I'm off to watch the notebook, again. xxx

EZY5475; Area C, Gatwick.

HELLO MAJOR EXCITEMENT!!!
IM GOING TO MADRID IN A FEW HOURS
AND IM SO TIRED YET UNABLE TO SLEEP
AND IM SO EXCITEDDDD THIS ENTIRE BLOG HAS TO BE IN CAPS AND RIDICULOUSLY LARGE FONT!!!
:D

I'VE TOTALLY PACKED
AND KINDA OVERLOADED MY SUITCASE BUT WHO CARES
I HAVE MY PASSPORT
AND MY MONIESSS
AND I'M TOTALLY RAVING TO BABY BY MEE(8)
AND ALL I CAN SAY IS;

Madrid =
1] sexy time with cogg
2] sharing a room with cog ;)
3] first school trip with cog! how is that possible like wtf
4] VALENTINES DAY IN ESPANAAA
5] lots of attempts at speaking spanish
6] lots of getting lost
7] LOTS of immense times.

BRING IT ORRRRRRRN
MADRID HERE WE COMEEE!
;)
talk to yaa when I get back amigooos
xxx

i desire the simple things..

..oooh yess i do :)

So far this year's just been fabulous;

I've started my art classes which is just brill, but I've broken a resolution. I shan't disclose which one, but I have.
Never mind, I've kept up my "go to the gym" and "eat more healthily" ones so I suppose that'll have to do for the time being :)
You can also tell I've gone back to school; I haven't done a blog in a longgg time.
The week just gone by has by far been the s-l-o-w-e-s-s-s-s-t-t-t-t week EVER, and the most unproductive at that. I walked out of 95% of my lessons with no idea what just happened in the hour and 10 minutess.. nevertheless, there has been many a jokes timeees in Photography on Friday afternoons: ohh Ami you know what I mean ;)
I also had a loveeely jam at my wifey sonia's houseee at the weekend..
FOR GAWD SAKE WOMAN UPLOAD THE PICS -.-
but it was awesome to just chill out and watch scary moviees and munch on craaap and forget the stress of guys who say one thing and mean another and girls who bitch and school work. LOLL

But yesss here is what'll be guaning in the next few weeeeks;

I have many a Biology and Chemistry practical assesment things which I truly SUCK at
Then I have the written assesments
and a few more practicals.
..
THEN I'M OFF TO MADRIDDDDDD FOR A WEEK!
EEEEEEEKK!
..well 5 days I think. But what's worrying is
a] I can't find my suitcase
b] I can't find my pasaporte
c] I have no idea when our half term is or if we even get one because of the crappy school dating system which doesn't coincide with the 18th of Feb being a Monday..
and
d] MOCKS.
which means AS examsss.. which means hardcore unplug the computer no fb msn won't hear from me for a few monthss revision.
:\

OH WELLLLLLLL :)
I'm also thinking of getting a haircut ASAP;; something bold and different
Ideas would be much appreciated yarr? :)

Finally, I leave you with a few songsss I am currently slightly obsessed with.. and blowmedown with the idea of me getting an early night tonight :)

LOVELY JUBBLY.

g'nighttt :)
xxx

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. :)